*Listening to Enigma….
such has been the course of my week. just a few small, seemingly insignificant steps on a number of fronts, all conspiring to change the way I see myself, and the way I work. too soon to tell; the lens through which I see this particular future is as yet very clouded. and yet, the harbinger of great potential looms very very large …
*Listening to “Loreena Mckennitt”…, thinking about my Sunday,wishing I could change like this freak doctor
…*
Days like today give me so much optimism. First, time with my room mate, which gets more and more enchanting as time goes by, it seems. I guess she feels I suffer in advance for the fact I know she´ll get married in a year and.. live in Rio. She´ll miss me, i know. Even if she claims she’s getting tired of me (hehe). Then, to a party, which I admit that I was feeling a bit apprehensive about (What? People?), but which turned out to be quite wonderful. Fun coversation was had, fun karaoke as well.
I had some great time talking to Cristina, a friend´s mother who now lives in Cuba. Her husband is a retired engineer who works for Nestle in Cuba. He was invited to work there for 4 months till the factory was ready, but they ended up staying there for longer. Almost 3 years now. She came here for some time, and she´s returning soon. As we chatted, I could remember how much one can learn when one travels. Not only for the places one goes, but for the people one meets as well.
I wish I´m able to travel soon. I have been putting off my travel plans for years now. All economists suggest that people hold on for a while till economy gets better. It is difficult to imagine till when we´ll have to do so. Meanwhile, I catch up with my readings and also learn from the sites I read.
In the past days, I have learned that a good many more people than I thought read my blog. Yay, that´s lovely. You all need to comment though.
In between, the image of the one I love comes to mind and stays for a while. At those times, I wish I were a poet to put into words the beautiful thougths his image brings to my mind. Or wish I could make time hold the feelings I have in heart, so that I could have him stay longer with me. But he leaves. He always does.
Another ‘random thought’ blog…
As as ordinary virgo, I tend to be my own worst critic – and today I am more likely than usual to be that way. Not that I try to expain my ….. with this horoscope thing, but I just find it amazing how these signs traits fit me. At work, for instance. Working with people is amazing, but sometimes it can be pretty maddening. I´m used to compliments all the time, but recent setbacks have made me find harboring doubts about my own capabilities. I try to be objective about the situation. Whatever happened was probably above and beyond control, so I guess it isn’t fair to doubt myself because of it. I Work hard, and I´ll continue to do the best I can, don’t let outside events sap your belief in myself. Some students may simply not be able to learn effectively. And I must stop thinking I´m responsible for everything around me.
Birthday is near. Every year I try not to think of it as an amount of things that had to be done the year before. I´m a compulsive struggler, and I hope that helps me get a fine result at the amount of stuff I have been thinking. I also hope all this thinking and acting do not also add more stress.. health has been glowing over the past few weeks, and I´m quite likely to be feeling just a little under the weather. This is probably due to nothing more exotic than stress.
The weather has not been helping, we´re in the middle of the winter and the temperatures are already high. The situation gets worse in a place like São Paulo, where pollution, lack of rains and wind, just seem to add more pollution in the air.
The rest… is just fine! I started a writing course. in English. I have been enjoing it a lot! I confess that writing here has inspired me a lot to do so. I´ll see if I write better blogs after the course
It has also been a long time since I last welcomed people who sub to me. It has also occured that I hardly ever welcome of thank in public those ones who read my blogs regularly, or leave nice comments. Thank you all, really! 
Have a nice week you all!
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I ran into a friend this morning and instead of asking how I was, he asked me what I had dreamed the night before. I said I did not recall anymore. Wonder now whether I had ever thought of the dream. Talk about dreams, remember all those big dreams we had when we were children? Perhaps we were going to grow up to be ballerinas, astronauts, or acresses. I actually believed I would emerge from puberty looking like a Barbie! Where did we go wrong?
Please, dont get me wrong, I´m not actually lamenting the fact that I don´t have a Barbie- doll figure, or grieving because I didnt end up in any studio in Hollywood or somewhere in Nasa. My point is, now that we are adults, what happened to our capacity to dream big?
I used to think I could fly to the moon. Now I´m lucky if I can stay awake each evening long enough to watch Friends!
Sometimes we are so bogged down in daily living, we think we dont have energy to chase a dream. But dreams are motivations… I think that striving to make a dream come true often generates more energy than it takes.
Another reason one may not pursue big dreams is the one may be afraid of failure- God I wish I were not a virgo… Of course, success is more fun, but a sound failure now and then wouls be beneficial for the lessons we need to learn to reach our goals.
What other reasons (in my case, excuse) do we have for not pursuing our dreams? HHmm… how about this one: Not enough time. I´ve used this excuse a lot, but the truth is, it doesnt hold water. My mom once told me it´s amazing what you can accomplish if you set aside 30 minutes a day to pursue a your goal. Thirty minutes a day! I spend more time than that reading junk mail and watching tv commercials. Her words inspired me greatly. If I invest 30 minutes of my day practicing the violin, jogging, or puttering my garden, what might I be able to accomplish?
Remember the film What About BOb? with Bill Murray? Bill´s character is a fan of a psychologist who wrote a book encouraging “baby-steps” towards mental health. The idea of the film is purely to make people laugh, but it has made me think as well. Dividing a big dream into baby steps can put something that seems unattainable within reach. Writting a 200-page book, for instance, seems wonderful. Writing a single page isnt. Repeat the same step five days a week for one year, and the book is done.
Sometimes we do fail. And seeing a dream not coming true can be as hard to bear as seeing a beloved one die. Yet, we always find strengh to fight for another. That´s the beauty of the human spirit. I read somewhere that a dream is little more than a passionate hope, and without hope we die. As I almost did some time back. HHmm….
Nurture your dreams, and they´ll nurture you in return.
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It´s time for a change…and this time I have decided to dedicate myself and my site to the nature beauty I like to worship and to some simbols that make part of me. The new banner, for instance is not a Lotus flower. It is a Vitória Régia,the largest water lily in the world, native of the Amazon River basin. Its round leaves attain 2 m in diameter and have a pronounced up turned edge. When floating on the water it can sustain heavy weights, such as rabbit sized animals. When it blooms, its petals are white, often slight pink, with red rims.
A local myth tells of a young indian girl of one of the Brazilian tribes who fell in love with the moon. She saw its reflection in the water one night, dived in to be with her beloved, and drowned. In sorrow, the moon transformed her into the star of the waters, the lovely vitoria-regia. I remember now when I was told this story when I was about 8. I recall having to make a drewing on this. I´m quite sure I have it somewhere.
But the main reason I´m mentioning this flower, is the fact that it is from the same family of the Lotus. Amazing how I managed to find the connection between them. I love connections. Really appreciate finding links for the things I admire. It may be simply a desperate way to understand my curiosity on many things that are out of my daily life, and to bring the things I like closer to me. Linking the Lotus to the Amazon flower was fun. There are so many things I have linked to far. Let me see if I can put them in some blogs. Just as soon as I get more time to come to Xanga.
You all have a nice week( weekend?). Will pay a visit to some friends here, long time no see you all..
I was wondering…
Eventually I figured that, lately, I have had an extreme lack of inspiration and when I began to ask myself where it had all disappeared to, I came up with a few possibilities. First, that I have let go of one, extremely large, part of why I was so impassioned. The “Dear Friend” (as I have portrayed him) ended up contacting me, and asked me what it was that I was doing. (seeing as I had made such a mess of things) In an impulsive moment that hearkened back to the care free years of my mid teens, I laid it all out. I finely put into words, and expressed to him, what it was that was honestly on my mind.
It was something I had not done in many years.
I found my words pouring out and unable to stop myself I became totally vulnerable… I sent him a few, utterly exposing, emails that made me weep as I wrote them.
When I had finished, the burning in my bosom left me, alone, for the first time that I could remember…
Sinse then, I have discovered that certain other things in my life, that I thought where also worth “protecting myself” from, had been based on wildly impossible standards and illogical convictions. In essence, I suppose I woke up from a horrible dream.
Sinse then, I have managed to reawaken many of my long sense abandoned, full heart feelings… many of the things I either denied myself the acknowledgement of, or completely overlooked.
And so I will begin to post the things I have actually written, and sent, now… Along side the many things I have not.
In the future I only hope this remains a place I can come to express myself, to myself, as it has been now for some time.
It was the perfect day to do some planning. Taking the time on a regular basis to think about the things I want to do and accomplish is essential for feeling I have control in your life. Without a concrete plan, reaching your goals can be almost impossible. Just as you wouldn’t build a house without a set of plans, it isn’t wise to build a life without one either.
We had a meeting at the school where I work today. Both my coordinator and director were there. Among the pedagogical topics, we sure needed to point out the situation the country is in. We all had to. We are in the beginning of a crisis, and the low number of people taking language classes scares us. I work for a known Language school in Brazil, this would let my thoughts in peace, but it does not. We heard today, that other schools, along with other secondary services have been suffering for some time. Well, at least I know I´m not alone. And I really dont feel good.
We are all optimistic though. Our bosses do pass this feeling to everyone. Have I ever mentioned how much I like what I do, and how much I love the place I work in? I guess so, but in tough times like this the feeling is stronger. And I do know how lucky I am.
Working in a place where people respect and like each other is indeed an important feature to the success of the employees and the company. There is respect for the individual and personal lives, meanwhile we are all connected by the sense of professional growth.
Classes will start tomorrow, and I can´t wait to meet my new students…
Another drawing. This time, I decided to change style. Think it´s good for a first time…*ahem* hope it gets better by the time. I have been lucky with changes so far. There were times I feared doing that, and I just stayed still. I´m not just mentioning the drawings, but life in general. For many times, I didnt try changing because deep inside I was afraid of comiting mistakes. But, as a teacher, I know that if there is no mistake… there is no learning.
You have a nice weekend!
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