August 13, 2002

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  I was wondering…
  

  
  

  Eventually I figured that, lately, I have had an extreme lack of inspiration and when I began to ask myself where it had all disappeared to, I came up with a few possibilities. First, that I have let go of one, extremely large, part of why I was so impassioned. The “Dear Friend” (as I have portrayed him) ended up contacting me, and asked me what it was that I was doing. (seeing as I had made such a mess of things) In an impulsive moment that hearkened back to the care free years of my mid teens, I laid it all out. I finely put into words, and expressed to him, what it was that was honestly on my mind.
  
  

  It was something I had not done in many years.
  
  

  I found my words pouring out and unable to stop myself I became totally vulnerable… I sent him a few, utterly exposing, emails that made me weep as I wrote them.
  
  

  When I had finished, the burning in my bosom left me, alone, for the first time that I could remember…
  
  

  Sinse then, I have discovered that certain other things in my life, that I thought where also worth “protecting myself” from, had been based on wildly impossible standards and illogical convictions. In essence, I suppose I woke up from a horrible dream.
  
  

  Sinse then, I have managed to reawaken many of my long sense abandoned, full heart feelings… many of the things I either denied myself the acknowledgement of, or completely overlooked.
  
  

  And so I will begin to post the things I have actually written, and sent, now… Along side the many things I have not.
  
  

  In the future I only hope this remains a place I can come to express myself, to myself, as it has been now for some time.

  
  

  

  
  

  

  • 10:19 am
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