September 9, 2002
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*Listening to Sheila Take a Bow, The Smiths, wondering if Morrissey could have written that song to me…ah, yeah!.. my real name is Sheila..
Some say that these are the happiest years of your life.Some say that I should be ecstatic because of all of the wonderful opportunities I have just sitting in front of me. Some lie. Some look at me and can’t see past my smile. I want to say that I can’t look in the mirror without finding a new something to I want to change. I want to say that I’m not who everyone thinks I am. I’m the “leader.” I’m “the funny one” “the quirky one.” Those who know me well know that I have more going on beneath the surface and yet others live in the blissful ignorance that my constant fake smile fosters. It’s so amazing that I typify this typical teenage angst. I am a textbook on these “troublesome years.” I want to say damn them. They who look at me as a case, they who never truly look at me. I’m so tired of not loving myself enough. I’m so tired of waking up with tear streaks that go from my cheek to my pillow. I live within my own hurricane. My tears trap me inside of the raging storm. A steel cage of water encompasing me that I created. Those who build prisons remember to leave before they put up that last wall. I forgot and now as the tears fall more and more, the walls become even more impenetrable. I miss the days of childhood ignorance. The days when I could look at the world as I wished it would be as opposed to how it really was. I miss the days when I could meet a stranger and instead of immediately jumping to their flaws I could think “what nice eyes.” But my childhood mind has gone where my childhood went.
That place, wherever it is, where dreams are stored in boxes with dust covering the tops. That attic of the world where everything goes at some point. I have looked for the hidden door, but it is no where to be found. I suppose that’s when you know it’s over, when you have found the door.
*I wrote this after a moment of some thinking.I did feel like letting all the sense of anger behind by writing about it. Thought of how it would be to put anger on the paper, and here it is. Sincerely, I wish I no longer come up with something like this.
My birthday dinner party was great, I had my closest friends here-the house was full..
I´ll write more about this later as I get the snaps developed
. Till then, I won´t be here blogging much. I´ll be reading and commenting blogs instead. Maybe posting some drawings as well. Hope you all have a great week, and thanks a lot for the best wishes. Also thank you for all the kind e-mails!
Peace
Comments (6)
For me , you are simply : Shy . It is sufficient .
I am glad your birthay party had a great success .
Love Michel
(((hug)))
i hope that you don’t have to feel that way still….because i often feel that way, and it’s not very fun! but i am sure glad that your birthday party was good!!! i am looking foreward to seeing some of your snaps! have a nice week
My dear friend, even though I have only begun to know you, I feel great beauty from your words. You are 25 years old now and life seems like such an enormous thing – the problems get bigger as your age gets bigger. Remember when you were younger? Does not those problems seem so small as you look at them today when you’re 25? When you turn 50, the problems you are facing now will seem like such small problems. That is why those people say what they do: *Some say that these are the happiest years of your life.Some say that I should be ecstatic because of all of the wonderful opportunities I have just sitting in front of me.* Think back to 10 years ago, when you were 15. Do you remember being overwhelmed with your problems then? What would you say today to babi_b, who just turned 16? Would you tell her that these are the happiest years of her life? Would you tell her of the wonderful opportunities she has just sitting in front of her?
Shy, the most certain thing about life is CHANGE. Nothing stays forever. The seasons change, the weather changes, the day turns into night and then begins again. Accept who you are because you can’t be anyone else other than your-self. Love yourself because that’s how God made you and God most certainly loves you. And I love you too, just the way you are.
Beijinhos
e abraços 
. 
You’re inner child is still there…just waiting to be hugged… (((hugs)))
that sets a train of thoughts running wild … Never realised that there was this side of a lovely girl, I have known for some time ….sitting here miles away from you …I do wonder “Wht is she goin’ through?” “Wht is she doin right now?” “Wht’s the anguish due to?”
There’s also a feelin’ of utter helplessness …for I couldn’t do much I guess …to just be around to comfort .
I miss the carefree & worriless fun times of my adolescence …But sweet memories are at times enough to see me thru’ the pains of today.But …don’t you find a beauty that associated with continuity , with growing up , with newer experiences that life brings along ….Otherwise life would have been such a drag …
Tell you wht …You have something which most ppl on earth don’t …A sensitive soul which has made a difference in many lives including mine …. Wish that life brings more joy than ever b’fore in your life …
Love – KV
My Birthday is next week and what I want for my Birthday is to be with Carlo.