September 21, 2002
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Confession time: I watched Chasing Amy.
There is an inescapable conclusion that I have arrived at in watching this movie. I am promiscuous in dealing with people.
I fall in love with people. Their mannerisms, their minds, the promises that they bring. I probably love you, gentle reader. I merely lay content with jests and discourses as vehicles of expressions. For me, a well-turned thought transcends the bindings of sexuality, it is a rose presented in the quiet pavilions of the mind and heart.
Gender does not matter.
Status does not matter.
Physicality no longer matters.
Remembering is the sweet and terrible mystery. Forgetting is not an option for me, and why should it be? Are my feelings quantifiable, something that can accumulate, can devalue, can be stolen? The emphasis on exclusivity frightens me. It frightens me because I have always accepted it unquestioningly, used the standard of “one and only one” that was offered up to me. I have always shunned my reluctance to choose, citing it as all-too-human selfishness. Yet the Little Flower chose all, did she not?
Perhaps I should choose all, and delight in the beauty of every person instead of attempting to lose myself in the deepest and most draining of embraces with one. Revel in the purity of loving indiscriminately, content to be a butterfly with her flowers… and in the end, return to the internal landscape of winter, the wind’s plainsong flowing through the branches of my veins.
“Perhaps what you need to learn is that you can be fine with one person, all people, or no one at all. But whatever you learn, don’t let it be dictated by someone who’s afraid of what you could be.”
Sid, wherever you are… It’s me, Shy. It’s me, it’s me, it’s me in so many guises and so many faces and so many jests.
Comments (17)
Lotus, you have such a way and insight into yourself. This is a true gift. I imagine that you will find your way through the maze of life quite well. Let the journey continue…
Your entry , Shy , is a true cry of love that deeply moves . A faithful and unforgettable love . I remain dumb in front the beauty of your text .
I am sure you find out the one able to love you as much as you will love him .
Warmest regards
Michel
U love people, life and the universe
Beautifully said.
this is indeed amazing. as michel does, i stand in awe, and in humility of being allowed that glimpse. how unique and beautiful.
The beauty of your words and sensitivity of your feelings have touched me deeply. I think you have a great passion for life, for everything that has a soul, and there is nothing wrong in loving all!
That’s a great movie
I like the conclusions it’s helped you draw! 
Amazing piece…and I’m glad that:
Gender does not matter.
Status does not matter.
Physicality no longer matters.
That means you can “Love me”…which makes me very happy….Peace
RoseMary
oomph! thats a lovely blog. truly touching. ivent watched that movie but now im so tempted to.
Hey! Kevin Smith’s movies are great
But I can’t help you with your questions, it’d be easier to me to talk about feelings, if I knew what emotions I’m still able to feel…
I dunno why unlucky, I just feel that way :/
thats the right reason to fall in love isn’t it? with the soul?
I what a nicely down entry! Sweet yet bitersweet at the same time.. ahhh I love it!!
Amour
Hollie
Why forget? memories are the only thing we have .
Memories of the past and dreams/hopes for the future.
Ciao
chasing amy is good. i think.
*rejoices in your revelry*
Keep your dreams alive and they will become your reality.