September 28, 2002
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When will the tears stop weathering creases into my face? When will I be able to see through the thick layer of pain? When will he be able to say he’s not that fine and not have my stomach drop? I miss the feeling that comes with a smile. I miss knowing that I was special. I hate that I can never fully escape. Sleep, but you will wake. Cry, but no one will hear, and in the end, you just sit in a pool of your own tears as no one notices. Dream, but soon you will realize that dreams are for those afraid of reality. Then you realize that you are afraid of reality. Everyone tires of what the mirror shows. Everyone tires of having to look in the mirror. Perhaps a blacked out mirror would be of more service. You would never have to deal with the harsh flavors of reality, but instead create the sugar of imagination. You can taste the sweet flavors that come with the visions that you allow. The sweet flavors that come with what you want to see. Yes, a blacked out mirror is worth so much more. You are never reminded of what is really there, but left to sit in the river of chocolate. Of course, there will come a time when you will tire of even the blacked out mirror and you will wander and find the reality. The sours, the salty. You will find it. There is no permanent escape. I want my permanent escape.
I´m off to the woods again. I need to recollect my thoughts and feelings, and I need nature. I´ll be there with God, if He still wants to participate in my conversations. He may be bothered with so many questions I ask. And there, among nature, I may feel closer to Him. Emerson and Freud were also invited to spend some time with me as well. I´ll be around Xanga. Commenting and reading.
Take care, you all!
Comments (12)
*hugs* I hope things are ok…
Luscious Ghost – by Marty Willson-Piper
First I drew a breath
Fell into sleep
I was laughing at death
When I fell too deep
I awoke in a room that I’d never seen
With velvet drapes
And ancient beams
And the night, she was whispering
And the portrait seemed too real
I see your luscious ghost
Sharing you with the Host
I see your luscious ghost
In a tear
Life is a force
You can’t fathom the fear,
Or drink from the source
Buut you do
Running at you like light
Suffocated by darkness
And the widow in white
And the sky she comes pressing down
Takes you, drowns you in blue …
friend, in some ways there is no excape and for others you will find solace sooner or later. Live well and know when you need to be demanding and when not to be. And hey get some sleep and dream on .. never give that up.
cheers!
I wish I knew the answer to this….I know if I lost my sweetie, I wouldn’t want to live.
…wishing you a better day.
MuSe
here r some tonnes of **hugs** ur way. hope things get clearer for u soon. keep well. keep the faith.
take care.
I think that better days will come by an unexpected ways . Keep confidence in yourself and faith . Hopefull
Michel
These are the times during which we learn the most about ourselves. If we survive, we move on with the knowledge that we are that much stronger. I will not say I am sorry for your loss. Instead, I say congratulations on what you have gained.
~Meta~
You could never bother God with your questions.
I hope you find the awnsers that you need. Bon courage mon amie!
Amour
Hollie
Nature is where I feel closest to God and it always makes me feel better. I hope it works for you, too.
haven’t seen you in a few days…i hope you are ok