October 5, 2002
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*Blogging from work, breaktime. After a hectic week, I can finally rest my mind. In the walkman: Monsoon wedding Soundtrack, wishing I were sleeping…
My baby needs a pilot
She has no magic wand
To help her part the troubled waters
Of the Rubicon
But in my soul I know she´ll
Have to go this one alone
After all that is the only way she´s ever known
After all that is the only way I’ve ever known.
I need to put some distance between me and this place. To be in a thousand other places, to drive along BR116 all the way to Serra do Cipó… to walk down Paulista Avenue and tip the mustached violinist… to rest and linger in Ipiranga Museum’s garden… to walk down Oscar Freire St… to flutter by Liberdade, the oriental place… to dance down any dance club at night. All the places I’ve been, and feel as if I’ve never been.
My feet want to wear the red shoes and tap merrily down a path, any path. I want decadence and foreign languages, and the feeling of starlight on my skin. I miss the sound of sweetgrass in the breeze, and sleeping in silk.
I tell myself that I’ve won my freedom, that I will live life on my terms after this interlude.
There’s a persistent and sad little voice that begs me to walk away, to find the first trail. I chose to walk into my Rubicon. It’s my responsibility to see it through. Freedom did not come cheaply for me, and I have to accept that. I have to accept the barren road.
where to?
Comments (5)
Nice to see you post again. Hold on to your freedom, my friend. Indulge your soul as you live in this interlude. You’ll be surprised how much stronger you will become.
…ah, the treasures are in the journey and not the inn. You’ll meet some wonderful people along the way who’ll celebrate freedom with you. Go forth with happiness and not regret.
MuSe
”I have to accept the barren road.” ??? you worth better Shy . Why not enter live , find love , have family . Is it impossible ? I don’ t think , if you want strongly with faith , in yourself , at first .
Thank for the compliment in your last comment
Amitié Michel
i don’t know why, but this made me cry. that it was beautiful, touching, insightful, heart-wrenching even, in its poignancy, surprises me not, because that is what your blogs usually are – maybe not all of those all at once, but always being at least one and usually more of those characteristically.
but this made me cry. maybe it touches something in where i am at the moment. thank you for bringing such beauty into having no answers.
sometimes a road looks barren where you are standing….but if you walk just a little bit further, you never know what oasis lies just around the next bend……..so let your feet carry you where they will….but don’t despair….if things are not as you wish them to be…walk on a little further.