October 27, 2002
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The whole nature of friendship is fascinating for me. People and friendships do change, sometimes quickly. Quite honestly, I think the evolution of friendship and dynamic state of human relationships results in some of the most fulfilling interaction possible. It’s the constant re-evaluation that makes you understand, to a certain extent, why you remain friends with some and lose touch with others. It is unrealistic to expect the nature of a relationship to stay the same when people are not static. I actually find that undesirable as well. In the same way that I have many different sides to me, I want my deep friendships to be multi-faceted. This obviously needs to be distinguished from acquaintences, with whom I’m quite content to have uni-dimensional relationships.
There is also a situational element to friendship; it isn’t always just about how compatible two people are. Sometimes circumstances force a friendship into extinction. In such a case, it is absolutely possible for a friendship to end even though the two people care greatly about each other. Maybe “end” isn’t the most accurate term for it. I think about my best friend from high school, for example. I’m not often in touch with her, but I still care about her a lot. I saw her last when I visited some relatives over the summer. In her own words, “we don’t talk often, but we still love each other.” I think what happens in situations where circumstances lead you to lose touch is that the love you have for each other becomes memory love… It isn’t active in the sense that you care about them for who they are in your present life, but you never forget the person that they were to you or for you and that keeps you interested in where they are in the world, even if you don’t actively persue the friendship anymore. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that the caring may not end, but the dynamic, active, present aspect of a relationship is what makes a friendship.
Whew! I feel as if I’ve addressed the hell out of that issue. I probably haven’t. I have probably left a lot of holes in my argument… I do that. Maybe I’m subconsciously trying to provoke more discussion. Maybe not so subconsciously…
Comments (11)
…excellent post! Suppose, as with anything, if one had a mind to find holes, they would. However, your viewpoint is well thought, written and articulated. However, a friendship can be inactive and still be a friendship. One never knows what stimulus will kick it into being active.
MuSe
Your post reminded me of my best friend in high school. We are no longer friends but i will always love her! I keep track of where she is living and a few other generalities of her life. I wonder if when i am thinking of her from time to time if she is also having me on her mind. I’ll never know…
I like your site! I can see you are inspired by the Goddess! I am studing some hindu goddesses now. They are very beautiful and powerfull forces in my life.
Anyway, thanks for the thoughts.
Lillian Blue
lovely post… thanx
Interesting thoughts about friendship .
You have had an important event this day in Brazil !
Amitié
Michel
Lotus, I have the same feeling about friendship too. There are many forms of friendship for sure. I have many “memory friendships,” which, if “ressuccitated, perhaps will not be as beautiful as what has remained in our minds. There are friends with whom we feel we know and care about, but whom we’ve never even met! And then there are acquaintances, but nowadays I don’t really care so much about making acquaintances. I guess one or two really good friends is more important to me than 100 acquaintances.
Friendship is an amazing thing, I value it more than love itself
It also amazes me that you can have two friends that you rarely see and then when you do see them again.. one has become a stranger to you and the other friends seems to have been the one you had coffee with yesterday. Nothing has changed
amazing post….freindship is the best thing in life n true frenship never ends…..cheers to frenship!
You have very a eclectic taste in music.
Hi you!
What an absolutely beautiful blog. You have stirred my deepfelt beliefs on thes that i am convinced of, but todays modernity-centric, spiritual-shy people are scornful of. But i’d like to share them with you.
I am a hindu, but love the essence of all the religions i have had the fortune of studying or coming in contact with. And in its essence they all say the same thing. A few months ago, my boyfriend and i did a ten day Buddhist meditation camp. It’s effect is beyond human comprehension and articulation. Not only was i cured of acute depression , butit brought the two of us back from an impending break up and most imp, gave us peace. Jehan continues to do it in London.
All of this-Buddhist, Hindu scriptures taught me one thing. Relationships are Karmic. Which means taht you meet certain people for a reason. Everyone you meet has something to give you or teach you and you do the same for them. THe people who are closest to you are people who have been close to you in every lifetime (I hope you don’t take offence if you are not a believer of reincarnation). For eg, a mother could have been a sister in someones last birth. A best friend, a daughter in the last birth. And there is one soulmate who always stays with you. I believe that when you find true love, it’s b/c taht person hasd been with taht true love thru all time. He may not be your husband, but may come in the form of your best friend in this life. This is what accounts for divorces, b/c those relationships came into being to teach something and they end when they have finished teaching us.
What comforts me about thsi is that Your loved ones never die. They will be back.
There is a book by a Psychiatrist that supports this view : Many lives, many Masters (Dr. Brian Weiss)
Yes friendship is beautiful, and half the beauty springs from the fact that we become so close to someone in sucha short period of time, as if we’ve always known them. I think we have always known them
i think perhaps those friends are the true soul mates….those ones whom you can go years without seeing and then when you do come across each other again, it is as though time has not passed…….