November 13, 2002
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Losing My Identity
I often used sit back and wonder what it would be like to be in someone else’s body. (mentally and physically) . I seemed to find amazing qualities in everyone else but myself. When I was younger I always tried to fit into everyone else’s mold. I did things for everyone else but myself. I constantly cookie-cuttered into the shapes of my family, friends, and boyfriends…trying to appeal to them and their senses. Years of that finally built up, and when I was finally conceptually alone, I realized that I was no one I wanted to be. I always put my beliefs aside for the sake of pleasing others, not realizing that in the end I was the one stuck in this body, not them. Many times I even fooled myself into thinking I was something, when in all actuality I was really far from it.
About six months ago I started a journey of self discovery(eye’s roll) I have learned to follow my stomach, and my nose instead of taking advice from those who “think they know best. Granted I still periodically have feelings of low self worth, but nothing compared to my “former self.” Not only am I now much happier in my own skin, but I have actually enjoyed reacquainting myself with myself.(former) I have realized in this ongoing process that we are the most important people in our lives… get to know yourself, and follow your gut… you have nothing to loose.
Do something good for yourself this week… write yourself a love letter or treat yourself to a dinner in solitude … and nothing gets you more in touch with your body than yoga! Go for it… INDULGE!
I´ll spend some days in Paraguaçu Paulista at a friend´s house. It is in the countryside of Sao Paulo estate. Small city, diferent from whatever There is here. HHmmmm ….I’ll rest…..
Comments (10)
hey you coolest chick
nice to see you around…
ish, essas histórias de auto estima abalada, tentar encixar nos padrões dos outros e tal… complicado mesmo. Na verdade acho que todo mundo tem disso. Até aquelas pessoas que parecem ser super confiantes sabe? Tb tenei agradar, me encaixar a tal. Nunca consegui agradar a todos. Percebi (depois de muuita terapia e muito tempo) que não tenho que agradar a todos. Só a mim mesmo. E já é o bastante.
Beijos
Fique bem
i like the new look!!!! that background is really beautiful!
i am like you, i can always find something good about other people….but finding something good in myself is always a bit harder……i’m glad that you have learned to do so!
an excellent blog and a great new look!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…I declare this the BEST blog I’ve read tonight!!!!!!…
RoseMary
i guess i’ll give yoga a try…
I’m so glad that you are finally *getting it together*. A few months back you were so down on yourself. That seems to have gone away now. Like the Lotus flower, you ARE beautiful.
I don’t know why..but it makes so much sense to me this morning! To think about it…I think the best thing I got out of Xanga was knowing you!
Know wht…you sure have affected my life in some way or the other..even though our associations was of communication thru’ some blogs or an occasional chat!
Would love to meet you one day…
Now that I have kicked myself out of the Xanga community, Wish you a great life & good times here at Xanga (I’ll still try to read ur blogs as often as possible)
I can relate to your blog, I often can only feel good about others and overlook myself. Sometimes I look back at my life and only see what others were doing, I was always living thru other people… But now I too have found myself. It is like meeting myself for the first time sometimes! I use spirituality and meditations to go deep inside myself. I am the only one who can! Your thoughts are inspiring to me.
Lalita Laxmi (formally lillian blue and always)
well… its good that u realized it.. i mean the self discovery… Its true.. ur blog.. its very true… we shud treat ourselves.. i keep doin that.. i follow my instincts, even though, u have the risk of messin up..its always good to learn things the hard way… coz then, u remember ur mistake forever, n dont repeat it… ur blog is very inspiring …. i had a different kinda feelin after readin it….
Lovely, beautiful blog… thanks! And a wonderful title line too… love the song as well, “Only Time”…
Enjoy your holiday…