November 18, 2002

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  WANTED…
  S.H.Y. IN SEARCH OF…
  PRINCE CHARMING (WHITE HORSE IS A MUST)
  LIVING CONDITIONS PROVIDED (3X3 HALL CLOSET)
  NO COMMITMENT NECESSARY
  EXPERIENCE IS A MUST
  NO BULLSHIT!

  
  

  Insomnia has kicked me this week. So much on my mind, I find sleep impossible. I wish these useless thoughts would just disappear… leave me the hell alone…dissipate. These thoughts are dispensable. I wonder where they come from… out of nowhere… from the abyss of useless information stored at an undisclosed location in my body that appears when my mind is finally silent (no such luck of that occurrence.)
  I’m frustrated with the lack of time in a day, and I struggle with the concept of sleep. It is a waste of my time. I have too much to accomplish to sleep. My body apparently thinks differently, seeing as how I am presently a dead man walking. When a social engagement arises I go into a full out combat with my inner self. Should I really be wasting my time sitting outside of Central market stuffing my face with calorie-infested pastries? Put in perspective (later that night) the break was much needed, and the sugar from my fruit tart (or was it the coconut cream pie tart?) gave me an extra little kick. Learning to manage my time (and money, but that’s a whole different ballgame) has made me realize that I am an adult now (how did this happen? Seems like just yesterday I had my first day of kindergarten… clad in my killer pink and white striped dress and sporting my black curls… what a knockout I was… even back in the day.) Thinking about the time I used to have to “blow off” could almost bring tears to my eyes. I wonder how I could possible cram more into my life than I do now. What about when I start dating again? Where will that fit in? I wouldn’t have time for that without most of the important things (to me) in life taking a back burner (simmered on low.) I’m beginning to think that I might have to be alone for an extended amount of time. If I get on the ball now I might be able to accomplish the majority of my goals by the age forty, and then be able to settle down. And children don’t even seem to be in the picture anymore. The things that have always been of importance to me (dating back to childhood) no longer seem to matter. When I went through my reprioritizing stages, I seem to have left some important things out. I have grown to love all of the things on my new schedule and would be hard pressed to give them up. The free time I own now reserved for reading, cooking, yoga, and writing could most likely one day be replaced with love gazes, milk shakes bearing two straws, Saturday movie marathons, and horseback rides with Prince Charming (Gag me, I’m such a dork) Why would I want to give up my productive hobbies for that? Dating can be such a waste of time. Agreed? What we all need is someone reserved (for just us) who can appear at our every beckon. You know what I mean… a live in “spank buddy” of sorts… a guy who hangs out in my hall closet until I’m ready for him. I’ll just go open the door and demand that he comes and “cuddles” with me until I fall asleep (hey it’s scary here all by myself sometimes.) He wouldn’t care though, he does everything I tell him to. He’s my commitment less, no complaints, closet boy toy. No high school-relationship-bullshit. And when I’m ready to do my own thing, I will escort him back to the hall closet, and shove him back in, where he will be snug as a bug with my winter coats and bulky blankets.
  With this concept now in the open, I will be accepting applications, and holding interviews next Friday between work, and Yoga class. I’m sure the competition will be fierce… good luck!

  
  

  
   

  • 11:00 pm
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