January 27, 2003

• Reflection on Fears of a Christian in Relapse
  
  

  Several days ago, while I had my epicurean-ish hiatus from the Christian fold, I noticed that as Christ was replaced with secular views, fears began to take hold and started to gnaw me. The worst part was that I was fully conscious of the choices that led me to this state. From teaching and experience, I knew that without the spiritual protection sustained by the gospel truth, there’s no way to protect the self from mainstream culture or the demonic gospel of the media. The idols of success, youth, beauty and pleasure are all interelated and give cause for people to feel perpetually inadequate. The fears that these things can cause can be so severe and extreme that they can literally lead to obsessive compulsive thinking as well psychological paralysis. The fear of getting old, the fear of not finding the right mate before one gets too old, the fear of marrying too old and looking pathetic in the process, the fear of looking old but feeling otherwise, the fear of being old and not having accomplished what should be for that age, the fear of being bored, the fear of being boring and not caring about it, regrets, and then fearing the fact that one is encased in fear…those are the only ones I could think of off the top of my head but one could obsess about one of these issues all day long.

  
  

  Daily reflection is a vital aspect for personal growth and development, so some say-and I’m saying it too. Everyday I think I am thankful for this and that and thank God for my peace. But if I’m not content, when something in my life goes awry then I’m bound by an incessant rush of thoughts sucking me into a vortex of self-conscious unrest. They torment me to the point of fatigue and strangely it carries on after I wake up, making sleep irrelevant to its main function as rest.

  
  

  
   

  • 8:43 pm
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