I made use of my museum membership and tooled around the museum today. I felt strange and alone in such a place, surrounded by massive paintings and hearing my boot steps across the wood floors interrupt the quiet. A guard who looked close to his seventies chatted me up in front of a Portinari, then tailed me to a Tarsila. I exited that part of the gallery quickly, and he found me again at the elevator. Thankfully, it arrived quickly and I stepped inside and bid my admirer goodbye.
I’ve been very lonely lately, particularly because I’m missing my friends who are now moving or working,and the faces that I saw on a daily basis. I miss the liveliness of the people.
I’m also wondering a lot of things, like if anything I’m doing counts. I can’t help feeling like an unfinished project. Sure, we are all unfinished projects, but I feel like one that is unfinished because it has been neglected too long. Sitting in a dark corner never to realize it’s full potential. I worry about getting older and becoming invisible, a compilation of unfinished projects and unrealized potential.
When I was growing up, I used to think that being depressed was part of being an artist, that my extra sensitive perception meant that I was going to be something special. I feel far from that. Yes, I’ve done a lot of cool things and lived a lot of cool places. But where has that gotten me? And where will that take me?
I’m obviously feeling uncertain right now. Sundays tend to do that, as they are the beginning of another week. Mini New Years every seven days that make me wonder what I’ve accomplished.
And what I’m missing.
Comments (8)
Please Shy don’ t question you with such a way . Act day by day .” A chaque jour suffit sa peine ” , proverbe français que pourrait citer Jim . ( I translate roughly : Don’ t worry with tomorrow ) .
I regreat this guard was in his seventies . But you see how you are attractive ! Continue to go out .( concerts , conference , cinema …. )
About the song ” Les marchés de Provence ” , perhaps you find out a site about gilbert Becaud , to have the melody ?
Love
Michel
Loneliness…
Demand for an assocication. If you have you, would you still be lonely?
Get in touch with yourself … no one can erase your loneliness except you, Shy.
Sincerely
Aardvaarker
If sharing is the issue, does the “who” matter?
Or is there a specific need to share with someone specific?
do not mind me asking .. but then i’ve been alert to myself over time … intellectually, spiritually, morally, and logically. I’m trying to share some params that worked for me.
Not to say they will work for you, cuz if they do, then you will be me. (dont think either of us want that eh?) But then, a direction is what one looks at most of the time … not a destination.
I try to walk part of the way with people …
Cheers
Aardvaarker
From the painting link, there sure is a variety of styles!
If you’re feeling lonely, you might want to read a book called “solitude” by Anthony Storr if you get a chance.
Have faith in yourself, Shy!
Age doesn’t matter, as long as you have the passion to create. Of course, discipline to organize things and get one’s work “out there” is something that all artists need an extra push (and help) to achieve. For now, we have Xanga to showcase our projects, right? 
If you wonder about what you have accomplished every week, I am sure you’ll be wondering a lot cause you have accomplished a lot…
And hey, don’t worry about old age… you’ll always be the same age for us
My brain, my thoughts, my creativity…my biggest assets, my biggest weaknesses, my biggest foes. Need to control it, the world may not be so worth it otherwise. you need a break from regular routine sweetheart…take it soon!