i believe

I’m not seeking but it doesn’t mean I’m not expecting. To not expect something extraordinary would be like not taking a breath. You don’t think about it, but you do it because you have to. We have to believe in something.

There are those who believe through sight, those who believe through experience, and those who believe through hope. We all have the desire to believe. How you go about letting it out of your system is as unique as your heart and soul.

I think there is an element of a curse to it. Once you believe in something, our nature is to try and prove it isn’t real. We always want to see what’s behind all three curtains, even after we’ve selected our prize. I don’t know about you, but I just get hung up on it, so that pretty soon, proving my choice was wrong is the only way my mind can rest.

Whenever I can’t disprove a belief born in my heart, there is joy. Like anything, it sneaks up on you. Your vision becomes so clear you don’t see what is not. You speak what you believe and if what you believe is truth, then naturally, truth is what you speak of. There is a great comfort when doubt is non existent.

I’m not seeking but it doesn’t mean I’m not expecting. I know something wonderful is going to happen to me. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a hundred years. I believe something, someone out there, is believing for me. Surely not in some distant land. Maybe down the block or even ‘cross the street. And yes, I laugh at the idea of such a thing, but I still believe. For now, I’m wrapped up in the expectancy of the unexpected.

How can I get you to believe? It’s all about human relationships and telling stories. All we need is our open hands – reach out and believe.

TO BE LOST IN WANDERING

Walk with me,
Please walk with me
In the shadows of the orchards,
The dappled ranks of
Their steadily marching doppelgangers,
Here with the raucous councils of crows
Haranguing the passerby.
Shall we wait for twilight’s muster,
Where fleets of gilded dragonflies
Haze the air with flashes
Of gossamer sunlight filtered
Through the painful web of wings?
Or instead pound breathless
Through the tunneling rows
Spread starkly and draped in
A bony shade of blue
While the heat fills our nostrils.
The dogs cry to the thumping
Of distant bass,
The zapper hums and crackles
Its cackling sighs of death.
Which is yours,
The desperate day
Smothered in a golden filter
And painful in a yearning glory
That hurts for embrace and company,
Or the muggy night
Cramped between rows of hangman’s plums,
Soaked in the panicked sweat of dreams
Fleeing from their weeping makers.

Marriage should be sacred

I just watched a few minutes of a tv special dealing with the shortest celebrity marriages. It’s really sad that the sanctity and sacred aspects of marriage are taken so lightly today. It’s so easy to get a divorce. The common denominator among most of the “marriages” they highlighted was the amount of time the couples spent getting to know each other. The vast majority of them had only known each other for a couple of months. A few of them only knew each other for a few days before tying the knot. How can you marry the person you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with when you haven’t spent time determining whether or not that person is that person? Marriage is cheap today. It means very little which makes getting out of it mean even less. I find that sad. I’m not married yet but once I am(or If..), I plan on doing everything within my power to make sure it works. I know that talk is cheap and marriage is difficult but I don’t want to go through a divorce. When I get married I want that to be it. ‘Til death do us part. The whole nine. Maybe that’s naive in our day and age but that’s what I’m looking and praying for.

i beat myself to death
worrying about you
i fell in love with hell
you’re more than i can chew

take off your mask
and tell the truth
i’m not a genius
i’m not a sleuth

my woes have arisen
they’ve taken over me
the day of yester is coming
the month is gone you see

maybe then tomorrow
maybe then today
follow me to the hollow
follow me you say

mellow thoughts abound
and troubled minds can’t see
fellow pipers are calling
but i can only flee

my pride is taking over
and in you i cannot hide
but take with me my heat
and feel what is inside

perhaps i’ve fallen
perhaps i’ve lost my touch
and then you’ll say no more
but that will be too much

one more word before i go
and then no more sounds
live like you are the sun
die like darkness abounds

<—-me

may i borrow some soul?

The thing is, substance to me may be different than substance to you. It is all relative. Content is whatever is meaningful, and I doubt there is one person out there who has something of importance to say to every single soul in the web. People equals diversity and diversity equals difference of opinions, right?

I’m contantly searching for something that makes me stop and take a second look. In a lot of ways I’m not easily impressed but I am always fascinated by the complexity of the human mind. I love reading from regular people about what’s going on around the world. News delivered to my home from someone who truly cares. Heated discussions on human rights or precious family moments. Different topics from different people or sometimes, all from the same person. Because we all have more than one thing to say. Because stereotypes are really just an oversimplified opinion, and we are anything but simple.

What got me thinking about this, are my own insecurities when it comes to sharing my soul online. I get bored with myself…often. I’ve said this before, I do think about those of you who read here. I would be lying if I didn’t admit to that, but ultimately, I want to move my own heart. If I am not moved by my own experiences, it would be a joke to think anything I write is of substance to anyone else.

So, here I am again, bored with myself. Some may call this a writer’s block. I don’t simply because I don’t consider myself a writer. Either way, just so you know, that’s what’s going on in my mind. So while I sit here rambling about my lack of inspiration, others out there are conquering, overcoming, living, discovering, stirring things up, supporting, creating, expressing, showing and telling, entertaining, motivating, and bringing it all to you. If you wanna read.

***ps…this is a consequence of the period of change… it  may go away soon. Pretty soon…

Great time…..

I´m back from the South already. Thanks for the good wishes, they indeed were worth!!! My friends and I were  blessed all the time! We got good guides, good offers, good shopping…. Even some different but great food! Photos will be posted as I have them developed Lots, and lots of them! Till then, let me visit you guys Good to be back!

3  days off…. here…. here…here….

trapped

I was trapped inside a dream
Its walls were hours
The hours contradicting emotions
And time was never ending

I searched the room
It was my room
And my ghost was in every thing
But I wasn’t there

I looked outside and saw them
Realities stripped of their names
Passing without passing
Looking at me with nobody’s eyes

I looked inside again
The room was my room
My ghost was in everything
But I wasn’t there

Why am I not here?
Where being lacks nothing
Always full of itself
Always the same

Outside?
A bundle of reflections
Clarities uncertain
Fixed in its changes

I closed my eyes
It was time to rest
It will all be there tomorrow
For time never ends

sometimes i can be beautiful

Have you ever been asked to describe yourself? A million thoughts run through my head. A million imperfections, lines, figures and numbers. It’s amazing the way the mind of a woman can work.

I have a good smile. My teeth aren’t white enough and a little crooked but…Stop!

Let me try this again. I have the kind of smile that captures a soul – warm, sincere, playful, inviting. The kind of smile that stays with you. Forever.

And what can I say about my eyes? They are probably the only part of me I never find myself wanting to trade for something better. They truly are grand. If you’ve seen them, you know.

I like the way my curly(sometimes straight), dark, long hair, falls around my face. I love the soft, clean smell of it. It is thick and hard to manage, but I love it.

My skin, it is very soft. Amazingly soft, I once was told. Follow the lines. I have curves that tell on me – I am a woman. When I walk by, men don’t think pounds or dress sizes. They don’t think numbers. They think…damn!

But don’t be mistaken. I’m not. The scars not on the surface are what make me unforgettable.

Are you still reading? I wonder about those who feel more comfortable learning about the many ways I don’t like who I am. I don’t want to write about my insecurities just so you think of me modest. They are there. Trust me. Maybe for another day but today, I want you to think of me as just…beautiful.

To all the women out there, dare not to think of all those things which makes you feel unlovely. Even if for just a day. Fight the urge to talk about the ugly and unwanted. Talk the way a lover would in the midst of passion. Find the courage to describe yourself as beautiful and then…don’t say another word.