To you…

Rarely have I written  an entry that was dedicated to one person in special. But this one realy is so. And I still cannot figure out what or how this is going to be. I may write about a dream I had. And someone special was in it. I may write about something that happened as quick and as great as a dream. Or about someone who´s so good as a dream, that soon had to leave. I may write about someone I thought to be the right one for me, but at the end, turned out to be wrong… Yes! I´ll write about that… Someone who´s all wrong in every detail. That way it is easier to accept that this one has gone far, as fast as a dream… This is all about you, dear Knight… hope you see this…

i miss the wrong great smell of your skin, and the wrong wonderful 3 different shades of your eyes. i miss the wrong way you came and surprise me, and the wrong  pleasant way you made me feel. i miss the wrong so longed times you turned off the tv and the lights… and i miss the precious wrong time i felt wanted after that… your wrong breath, your wrong weight on my body, your wrong words to my ears…

i miss the wrong amount of diet coke you drank, and the wrong neat jokes you told. i miss your wrong amazing inteligence, and your damn wrong way to say you love me. i miss all the thousand songs you like that are exactly the wrong thousand kinds of songs i love. i miss your wrong precious calls, and the wrong questions about me. i miss the way i never got to understand your intentions till you kissed me. i miss your wrong interest in my culture and language, i miss your so right voice…  i hate the wrong place we are now. I miss you. so very much, it makes me lie.

Saudades…

…

Let me find myself before I tell you who I am.

Hello,
You’ve been working hard lately and it is beginning to show through your wounds that bleed beneath your skin. Nonetheless you hold your head high like everything’s just fine and you’ll act like this heart of mine doesn’t ache every second of every day. The whole’ Change has come upon you so slowly, but so quickly. Everything is now so different, but its all still so near the same. You try to stand and act like the remnants of your past haven’t left you bitter and alone, but underneath that under the camouflage of deception you’re so young and naïve. Don’t you think I can feel it too? One can only lie to oneself for so long and finally all the pretense must be broken down to find a true self which one has been hidden beneath, a treasure hunt indeed. You’ve done so well hiding underneath it all, but how long until you break and fall? When will my face be revealed outward to this cruel world? Will you give in to their calls or let yourself be you? Self improvement cannot be forced, nor shown by unwilling strain. It is a choice one must take upon by the one and only, them. I’ll let you be the one to choose. I’ll let you find what’s best to find who’s you.
Yours truly,
Yourself.

love me, love me not

In our world, love is an almost inaccessible experience. Everything is against it: morals, classes, laws, races and the very lovers themselves. If one part of our being longs to unite itself with another, another part rejects and excludes him or her. We become something we are not in order to “fit” nicely together. Thus our relationships are poisoned at the root.

I’ve previously shared with you about my insecurities in my fragmented self. My being divided between what I really am and what I imagine myself to be – an image dictated to me by family, class, school, friends, religion and lover. How do I express my femininity without manifesting myself in forms men have invented for me?

If you ask me, love is not a “natural” thing. It is the most human trait of all. Something that we have made ourselves and that is not found in nature. Something that we create, and destroy, every day. Love is a choice – a free choosing of our destiny, a sudden discovery of the most secret and fateful part of our being.

What we ask of love is that it give us a bit of true life. We want to escape the feeling of solitude yet we like to pretend that our thinking is wide-awake. We lose ourselves in the mirrors of reason. We dream with our eyes open not realizing the dreams of reason are intolerable. If I dare to love, I will first have to dare to be myself. I have to destroy the image in which I have been imprisoned. And then, perhaps, I will begin to dream once more with my eyes closed.

Can you feel the love tonight????

Revelation

this pretty much sums up what swirls around inside me from day to day

“My creativity yearning to get out as it presses against my fingertips and forehead. Wanting to draw, wanting to paint, wanting to play. Wanting to create the beauty that I can so easily picture, but cannot ever put to form. Sometimes it feels like succeeding at this would destroy me, because it would leave a hollow in my soul. If I could create perfection, I would be doomed to spend the rest of my days staring into it; trying to reclaim it as my own, and refill the void. I would etch out an existence a slave to my own being of creation. If I could be away from it all I would. If only I could escape like they do in books and movies. Never to be truly heard of again from the words “and he lived happily ever after”. To vanish to some unseen paradise to spend eternity trying to give this beauty a form, nameless and shapeless as it is – beyond words. Through music I can just touch it; so perhaps it is beyond a physical form. I would spend the rest of my days in happy insanity trying to manifest this, if the harsh realities of life didn’t weigh me down. A job, a home, a car. Such a cliché. How I despise money, but it is so essential to our being that we cannot remove it, like a cancer of the brain, so deep that no one dares remove because doing so would more than likely be the end. So we leave it there, and it grows, eventually destroying us either way. All hail the almighty dollar: melanoma of the world. But without it, I could not give life to my fancies. My creative thoughts remain forever trapped in the cell, peering out from behind my eyes. It will always be in my mind, but too many people have lost themselves trying to draw it out. Doomed to search in circles. Perhaps perfection comes from the realisation that it does not exist. But I’m so sure it does. Somewhere, like a tiny diamond buried deep in a mountain of charcoal, waiting to be discovered. Just out of reach, but always there. I can’t ever imagine myself in a desk job from here on out. I need to be out creating.”

I need some good sleep….

Have a nice weekend, you all!

Serra Verde Express, Curitiba to Morretes, Brazil

Whenever one comes to Curitiba, it is also advisable to take a train trip to either  Morretes or to Paranaguá. I had taken this trip before, but my other two friends hadn´t. There was no problem at all… It was amazing traveling again!

I first learned of the Serra Verde Express through the web site of the State of Paranà. The trip claimed to be over spectacular scenery and that is what I found. The area is, sadly, one of the few remaining forests in the state that has been preserved in nearly its native state. The good news is that it is fairly large: once the train leaves the outskirts of Curitiba, we didn’t see anything other than equipment on railroad tracks until we arrived in Morretes.The train leaves Curitiba every day from the combined bus terminal and train station.

Scenery along the line was quite spectacular. The line-side signal pole is made from old railroad rail. There were seveal tunnels and waterfalls along he ridge. On several occasions the line hugs the side of cliffs as it descends to the Atlantic Ocean.

Morretes is a small community that at one time served as a junction between the main line, which continues to Paranaguà, and a branch line that goes to Antonina. Antonina was at one time an important port city in the region. It isn’t a deep enough port for the larger ships, and so it was in decline for a long period. However, this means that the city is a treasure for the tourist because it is a relatively small, calm community that is trying to develop a tourist economy.

 

The restaurant we ate in includes an excellent view of the surrounding hills, as well as overlooking a very small river that runs through town.

Serra Verde Express web site also has a few photos, plus this is who you contact to purchase tickets, in case of viting there….

Broken

Empty streets of my soul
Naked emotions after the shadow of a dream
Restless rattle of my conscience

The mind like a dark sky
Warnings of a storm up ahead
The deep anguish of innocent nights raining down

A beach without an ocean
Tears without a face
Pain hidden in beautiful eyes

Navigating through life
Experiencing motivating tragedy
Searching for a spirit of comfort

Alone and broken
Without a song to sing
Where silence itself it’s driven to insanity

You don’t know how many times I typed an explanation for this only to press the backspace button right after I was done. I don’t know what to tell you. I guess this is one of those times in which I come home to a heavy feeling of loneliness.

Curitiba pictures….at  last!!!—->more

Surrounded by lake,  the Opera House is a show of great originality; its building is an architecture jewel imbedded in nature. It is a part of the Quarry Park, linking culture and artin a magnificent set.

The South Part of Brazil was colonized by Europeans, and it still has their influence specially in the architecture and the great amount of squares and parks.

This Memorial is a tribute  to one of Curitiba´s largest ethnic groups. It´s the Ucranian Memorial. The park also features a reproduction of the São Miguel Arcanjo church, the original of wich was built in the town of Mallet in the 19th century.

 My friends Patricia, Liliana and I hehehe…im  the lady in black….

Next  one is the Federal University of Paraná.

This  is “Universidade   Livre”, something like; Free University. It has been  planned  in order to lead people to be councious about the enmironmental defense as a means  of surviving. It was built    out of eucalyptus wood. It has just 4 classrooms. Each  one represents an element; water, fire, earth and air. Ok, you can see my finger too!

According to our guide, they usually make presentations here…

 Oscar Niemeyer Museum

More about   it here

Tanguá Park

My friend Patricia and i in front of the Curitiba Presbyterian church…  Yes, I had to go there

Ok….Enough  for now… There are some  more, but guess i´ll   post them later. Hope you enjoy them