desire me

 My desires come alive in the images of art and love, generally manifested as a sense of sin – that forbidden, that damned word “pleasure.” I’m not speaking of my sexuality but rather of my spirituality – the quality of my life. I was raised not to trust my own desires. My mind doesn’t know what’s best for my body and my heart is easily fooled. I was raised to believe I can be anything I want to be as long as I don’t cross the line.

 I never was comfortable with the idea of not being able to explore the infinite universe that is my own soul. I don’t consider myself a rebel but I do question the now – right now. I believe the answer to it will determine the fate of the world we have made. I refuse to become less than the production of goods. The definition of a being that works should be changed to that of a being that desires.

 Some, young people in particular, mistake their desires with lust – a temporary craving. Their career paths are chosen according to the current potential to make money. Currency up and currency down. Buckle up for the ride of your life. I wish we didn’t focus so much on all of those short-term “realistic” measures that produce. We strengthen the status quo and in turn strengthen a system that grows and spreads at the expense of the people who feed it: as its reality increases, so does our unreality.

 What about everything else? What will truly make us happy? What is the one thing we all have in common? I will dare to say it is our solitude – our need for redemption and a redeemer. I’m not talking about religion, although it could apply, but our need for someone else. Our desire to share who we really are. The irony of it all is that when given the oportunity, we tend to be who we are expected to be. After all, I was raised not to trust my own desires. The outcome? Memory boxes filled with missed or misused oportunities over and over again.

 I’ve learned much from my parents. From both their mistakes and successes. I’ve educated myself and will continue to pursue knowledge wherever I go for as long as I live. Drawn outside the lines signifies everything there is for me to take. I want you to see that everything is there for me to take. Some things are good for me and some aren’t. I choose. So let me ask, what are your desires? Take me on a journey of sensual wisdom. Wake up my heart.