if id ever been suffocated
id imagine it would feel something like this
sometimes its hard to breathe
my soul is the one gasping for air
clinging to anything open
fighting for anything free
searching for anything without walls

the structures we’ve built
the rooms i find myself in
they poison my mind
the darkness of their interiors finds its way into me
i get lost inside these walls
stuck in their persuasive spaces
they steal my confidence
my hesitant happiness
my new found energy
i have to get back outside

Something on some things…

It is certainly clear that I have faith in my actions now! I feel no fear or doubt as I progress toward my goals at a fast clip, cruising along on calm seas under clear skies. This new atmosphere is likely the product of my renewed commitment. I´ll try hard to  reward myself for my accomplishments, by all means, but I should wait a few days before launching a full-fledged celebration. Just need to feel balanced  and digest everything that´s novelty, say goodbye to some outdated stuff.

Just  feeling a bit tired lately. Stomach´s behaved bad, and time don´t seem to wait for me as my movements seem to gradually slow down. Or is it just the mind? I usually remember the words of a good old friend telling me “It´s all in the mind”. And it´s in the heart too… 

Plans for the next semester have started. Room mate is officially getting married in January, and she is moving to Rio. I just feel like not staying  in the apartment we live in anymore. Not that I dont like it, but  I do want to go to a new place, and a new area of the city as well.  The place where I live in is close t downtown, also close to everything. However, I have realized that I spend so much time doing things on the North part of that city, that I have even been looking for apartments  there.  A friend of mine ( a guy how weird would it be living with a male room mate????) has shown his interest  in  being my new room mate. Still, I have been seriously thinking on  really living on my own now. That´s just another idea, though. New students and new work  oportunities have been knocking on my door. As most of them are pretty  new experiences to me, I just feel like taking most of them and see what happens. As long as I don´t get overworked, that is…

Oh, well… As usual, there´s lots  going on, and I have just  been feeling great about all those. I was finally baptized today at a wonderful ceremony at church. It was such a great evening, and I should write about it later. The good thing is…. I do feel I have just taken the most important step of my life… the next ones… may be just consequences of what happened today.  Now let me come back to my art stuff.

Have a great week, you all!

 I am about to take the most important step in my life. I have chosen to make my Public Confession Of Faith at the Presbyterian Church. That will basically mean that I do accept Christ as my savior, and the Bible as my guide. That will also turn me into an official member of the church, and that will imply in a bit more responsibility than I´m actually already used to. What I mean when I say that´s the most important step in my life is that, it will surely determine the kind of person I will be turned into, the kind of people I´ll choose to be part of my life, my decisions, concepts, beliefs, and everything.

I have got much to write and say about it, still, I must confess some thoughts are too deep and long to be written. Even explained. In short, I´m glad for the vision I now have of God, of the world around me and even of myself. I know the path I´m choosing will be demanding, but once I was touched and my eyes open to that, I feel I just can´t step back.

There will always be much to be done, specially due to our imperfection. Things have been changing fast, and hopefully for the best. My mind is spinning and I can barely put thougths in order. But I´m fine. And I shall be better by the time. Now. Not alone as I have always thought I were.

Bless you all.

and speaking of friendships

This entry over at A Picture’s Worth made me smile. I had never really thought about it like that but I guess it’s true. No matter where you are from, to me, you live in my computer! I’m going to ScanDisk more often from now on, haha. *smiles*

strange relationships

Online friendships are so strange. I know many people say they are the same as the “real” thing but allow me to disagree.

You can disappear out of my life and there is very little I can do about that. You may even choose to do it without giving any sort of explanation. The circumstances for that to happen with a person you see and touch day in and day out would have to be extremely weird. Like he or she killed someone and are running away. Know what I mean?

You are probably thinking well, that’s not a real friend anyway, but I’ve had what I thought were real friends do just that – disappear. Oh, and they come back from time to time. That’s the online thing. It can be somewhat unpredictable.

Another thing, people seem to consider you their friend much sooner than if you had met them on the street for the first time. For some reason we are more open to strangers online than we are face to face. Maybe it is because we all feel safe behind our computer screens. Many people online call me a friend who don’t even know how many sisters and brothers I have or where I went to school. Don’t get me wrong, I like making new friends. I just wish they would ask things like that before they declared themselves a friend. Something other than what do you look like.

Do you care what I look like? I’m sure you do. Not saying you wouldn’t talk to me if I looked or didn’t look a certain way, but we all want to put a face to the name right? Right now I look like crap, but you can’t see and you probably never will. Yet another thing that’s different. I may tell you about the things that aren’t right in my life, but you can’t see them in action. And I’m talking about something other than bad hair.

I’m not sure if this is making any sense or if it matters to anyone at all that I am thinking about it. It is 9 a.m. and I have been up for maybe 15 minutes. I read an e-mail from an old friend who disappeared on me and realized that despite of that, I still think of this person as a friend. How weird is that?

-shy

 Excuses
I tried to capture you on this page as you are in my mind, but these colours are too flat or the wrong shade, or this paper has the wrong texture. These shapes do not come to life beneath my hands; this figure holds you tentatively, imperfectly. My fingers are more attuned to the minor twitches needed to produce cursive writing than the long smooth strokes involved in sketching. But you see, I did try…

Forever

Will you not dance by the shores beloved?
The sea’s melody is truly honey sweet.
Take me in your arms there beloved,
For tis heaven there I shall meet.

Will you not listen to the wind my love?
Over the sugar canes it blows.
A herald of the memories to come my love,
To unfolding petals of the rose.

Will you not hold me in the storm my heaven?
Let the rains kiss your face.
I see the beauty in your soul my heaven,
A beauty I shall forever embrace.

Will you not lay by my side my lover?
Tis your warmth beneath the stars I seek.
Caress my skin beneath your palm my lover,
Whilst twilight over the skies does creep.

For forever is still too short my darling,
Yet long enough to prove me true.
I will not cry a thousand oceans my darling,
For the kisses I lost to you.

this was written on the subway on my way home. as well as the sketch posted  last Friday…now i wonder… what else  should i do(make?) on my way home? HHmmm…ok, don´t answer…. Have a nice week, you all!