My Heart, My Body

My Heart

Long ago in a far away land
My heart went to a young fellow

Though when I offered it to him
He said: “It’s good to be friends.”

To this day he owns it

Even after those words broke my heart
Like the stone that breaks the glass


My Body

Not long ago my Body responded
To another young body

When that body is around mine
I feel at the top of the world

My body goes toward his body unconsciously
to experience all the passion and the joy which exists the world

My heart and Body

Two man in my world
One owns my heart and the other my body

I look out of the door, looking for “the one”
Who can own both “my heart and my body?”

recycled

I’m feeling absurd…crazy…stupid…etc.

I get rid of a lot of my frustrations of the day online the way I can’t do in “real” life. Writing is a good outlet for me.

Something inside that is an uncontrolled wish to express itself.

I can tell you my mind isn’t working, but sometimes, the most honest writing flows out of a naked mind. A true story teller doesn’t need a deadline – dreams unfold from every word they speak.

I’m no story teller, however,I want to be one…some day. I have yet to live enough to impact anyone with what I have to say. I am just now discovering the many intensities of emotions that run my life.

If I were to tell you a story today, it’d be absurd, crazy, maybe even stupid. Instead, let’s just say we shared a moment of unthinking primal honesty.

just feel

Have you ever tried to capture a moment of happiness? I think they sometimes elude the camera, the pen. I love secret encounters with such moments in the middle of the night. Sound moments. When the musician plays for music’s sake and nobody else knows what the melodies are about. No performing just experiencing – the creating of a magical state.

We all have that one artist who always speaks to us. We release our tensions and frustration through the enjoyment of their art. Making their every lyric and every sound a part of who we are. In a sense, sometimes on stage, they can become our mirror. Such a connection can almost feel like a continual state of arousal.

Who does it for you? Or maybe it’s a style of music. Blues? Rock? Jazz? How about a specific instrument? What’s that one song you could’ve written…about you…only someone else already sings it?

I’m gonna be gone for about a week or so. I´ll travel for the Carnival break, will go on a trip to a resort with people from church.  Give me something to read when I come back will ‘ya? I’ll love you so much more if you do…really. It’s a good topic right?

Later beautiful people. *kisses & hugs*

Do you know….what it feels like for a girl?

So this is it. I´m now here in my bedroom on the 13th floor of a building, writing from my new computer and listening to the music people play outside. Rainy day. Cool one as well. It does not show, but I sometimes still find myself a bit scared about being now 100% independent. Although the hectic pace of my new routine does not even let me remember about that. I already have exactly the right amount of discipline and sense of duty to be able to accomplish quite a bit of this huge load of new stuff. My  thinking is clear and I will find that my sense of time and restriction is working in my favor to help me figure out the puzzles that present themselves. I´ve got this strong will that will aid me in the completion of just about every task I may undertake. That is something good.. really it is..

Classes at the new school started on Feb 2nd, and at the old one today. Both of them are challenging this semester for very different reasons. At IEBB(  Bruno Bettelheim Educationa Institute) the groups are much larger, and I also have a huge age student age difference to deal with. The young kids scare me most. Yes, you read right, they scare me! Mainly because I am too concerned about doing a good job, and I´m not used to very young people. But the challenge is really interesting, That made me choose my next course at College which is Education. I´m interested now in learning a bit of Psychology and all the procedures in the area of education. Not that I didn’t´t need that before, but I have been teaching English for private schools for a long time. That demands much more knowledge in language than in behavior. Something tells me now I have found my way… something…

 At CCAA( Anglo American Cultural Center, they also have branches abroad) ) classes are ok as well. The school is now reformed, and we are starting to use DVD in class. Till this semester the classes were lead in CD ROMs. This is novelty in terms of English classes here, and should be as well gratifying to me.

A good thing about living by one´s self is the relation with money. Today I can say I  have a banker’s precision. I usually recheck everything, from my expenses, to my investments,  not to mention how much I have paid back on my loans, or loans I may have made to friends. I feel like  keeping at it! This is the time to do it. And despite what others think, it’s important. Making ends meet can be tough. But it is as well as great to be able to make plans with what I earn. I have decided to come back to College, so I´m not going to Canada at least in the next 2 years. Instead, I will try to accomplish an old dream which is to travel around Europe by train. I have set that with my good friend Liliana, and I´ll put some energy on that. I have many friends in Europe and I hope I am able to meet some. If not, my mind and soul will be blessed anyhow.

Now I just have to be careful about my health. I have been trying to get the rest that I need. Preventing sickness and maintaining  full control of my mind and body by making sure I give myself the proper amount of sleep is an important goal. Tough to be reached once I find mind at its peak throughout the day till late at night. Did I mention gym? Yes…gym.. always!

There´s much to say… but now I have all the time to update.  Things are fine. Church courses and friends have been greatly important. I have been meeting really nice people who have taught me a lot. And I have changed a lot as well. For the best, I hope. There´s much to be done. And I pray to God that He keeps holding my right hands towards his will. And become a better person. Always.

Happy Valentine´s Day, you all!

pulse for pulse

When I try not to think about pain I think about love as if there was a difference. I smile and I flirt and I don’t talk about my worries and when I try to write it is all painful and dark, so I write about love. If it is going to be agony, let it at least give me a moment of pleasure. A moment in which I can pretend I am nothing but a body – no heart and no soul. “No attachments” he said. Something other than what I am.

The tragedy is, love cannot exist if the heart is not involved. If there is no soul, then how could it last forever? If it is not worth holding on to, then why experience it all at? So to love you must feel and to feel pleasure you must also endure pain.

My name is Sheila. I don’t remember if I’ve introduced myself lately. Here are some random things I’ve written or read in the last few days.

All day in a daze of your making
of our making
love making

Then you come to me in the silence of the night
O dream how sweet
Too sweet
Too bitter-sweet

My thirsting longing eyes
Watch the slow door
That opening
Letting in
Let’s out no more

All day in a daze and all night in a dream
Come back to me that I may give
Pulse for pulse
Breath for breath
Speak low, lean low
Make love to me