But always there was a craving for something more. Like catching a whiff of something wonderful but not being able to track it down. There was this longing, a craving to be more. My heart was not content to wear this jacket.
So my heart turned against me and started to pull the loose threads of my jacket. One by one until it was dismantled. My heart soared at the freedom and knew it was tracking down what it had only ever caught fleeting glimpses of before, but I felt cold with out my jacket; naked and vulnerable.
I sorted through the threads. Many were discarded and useless to me now, but I held on to a handful that were so brilliant and true that I wonder how I ever just wore them on the outside. I wanted to weave them into my core. My heart had sought them out and now was desperate hold them close. To be saturated by them not merely clothed in them.
I wore my Christianity on the outside. Acted the right way, spoke the right way, but my heart cried for more. No longer can I wear it. It doesn’t fit and it’s full of holes. So I have to figure out how to “be” it.
I must confess I really don’t know how to “be” a Christian. I was only trained how to act like one. Now that the jacket is off I’m faced with the stark reality that I am saturated with self not Christ. I don’t look like Him with out my jacket. My Christ-likeness can be shed as easily as yesterday’s clothes.
The process of “being” is slow and arduous and it’s scary to be with out that jacket some days. But I can never go back. I don’t want to go back. I’d rather muddle my way through learning how to “be”.
Comments (7)
i couldn’t happen about the Christianity issue – but many times we put up “masks” in order not to recognize our real feelings…
the muddling is the fight…but just think of the victory…
Interesting what Barney said! I remember a simlar thing happening to me. I wrote out part of my story today. I hope you will be encouraged if you read it. Now, I glory in his cross, and because of his mercy to a sinner like me, I know the power of his ressurection! Though, I am sure you feel metaphorically naked, this is an EXCITING time for you, Sheila!!! (((HUGS!)))
Being is the key… be true to your feelings and heart
Hi, I know that you don’t know me very well but I think that I can help. I am Mormon. I don’t know if you know anything about the Mormon church. Here is a site that will tell you about the Mormon church and where the close church is to you. http://www.mormon.org
you need to follow your heart.
Now, that’s the right spirit!:)