Month: April 2006


  • First pic…from  the dig cam… view from my window. The dark gray skyline of buildings ahead is downtown. About 15 km from here. Not that far by subway.  What do you think?(of the picture)




     

  • Pose, camera…. Xanga!!

    I’m usually very outgoing. To be specific, for those who know, would compare me to Chandler from the show FRIENDS, always making fun out of things and situations.  What does it matter? Hmmm.. It does when people don’t see me smile. it matters when I’m sick and doctors don’t find anything to write on their prescriptions anything but stress and some dare to write depression. I need those to show my boss to let her know I’m not ok and I don’t know how to explain what  goes wrong in my world.


    Life is tough, I know. But I have been a heck of a fighter for quite long now. And see now at almost 30 how short life can be. Not that I am pessimist, but I see now that I have to run after things people my age had the guts to dare much earlier.  A problem to me? A bit, if that is added with some extra pounds and the recent found that I might want to have my own family.  Damn, I even downloaded the piece of music I want to enter the church!! 


    Much has also changed ever since I became a Protestant, I know.  And I’m proud and reliefed about that( if you are, you know what i mean). The thing is that many things sort of started 4 years ago. I’m a kid in a grown-up world. And a crazy one( kid or world? you decide…)


    The thing is… I’m weirdly happy today. I have no clue about my future, I just know what I want. I won’t  get rich and that has never mattered to me, but finding good jobs have been difficult lately. Paying studies have been hard. Paying bills… Oh… no comments.. But you know what? I am calm. I  guess that is what rest in God’s hands mean. And I’m fine. Whatever that may be.


    Good news? One year of dance is wonderful to me. Some specific dance courses as samba de gafieira and salsa make me feel really good. Coming back to gym, wow…I just needed that. Just got a new digital cam. Yes, THAT CAM that was keeping me away from posting… now I can show my world without excuses..


    That also means that It’ll take a while for another what’s-going-on blog like this. Never mind… I’m back! And I’m well today. That’s enough. Thanks to God.



  • I love you in dreams…

    I have interview for a couple of jobs and haven’t been called yet. I really hope that I get hired. I really need the money. Everyone thinks I am crazy, I just think that I am wonder woman (note that I did not mention anything about looking like her), which in fact does make me sound crazy. When most people see barriers and limits, I usually find a way around problems. With me, there is always a way. I seriously think I can do anything I put my mind to. But my mom is worried because I might take on a graveyard shift in addition to my regular job. She warns me that it will be very difficult and I won’t sleep much. The truth is, I don’t sleep much, so I feel that I might as well use my time wisely and get that job. I really do hope I get hired. Anyway, it will only be temporary because it is a seasonal job. News? Tomorrow I start an specific Salsa course and then a Bolero one.  One day I’ll surrender to her magesty the Tango.. Then, we’ll see…




    Listen to Rodrigo Sater, one of the best Brazilian guitar players and singer ever! This song is named “Te amo em sonhos” that means “I love you in dreams”. I may translate it some time later. Take care!



  • Step by step…

    This uncertainty is killing me.The wait is strangling my senses.Its all sweet, I can feel the beauty of being in love, but the very next moment the sweetness is overpowered by glimpses of bitter withdrawal in the face of unrequisition.And that I know to be the worst experience ever.Even though I know that I have it in me to face the truth with all the elegance in the world.The bewilderment and the emotional turmoil is leaving me numb, silent. I neither want to hurt myself nor run away from my responsibilities nor do I intend to drive the cheer away from my life.But I am scared…though I know how easy it is for me to switch from this state. I am untying the knots, the very knots which supported me in lurch. I feel no anguish, instead if I force myself to re-establish the lost ties, it may backfire. I know what I am losing. I know the hurt and pain I give to people who don’t deserve it.But u cant cling onto anything forever. You ought to be on the move.

    You may pause for a while, but you cant stop. Cherish your past, but live in the

    present.



















  • Easter is the most important religious holiday of the Christian liturgical year, observed between late March and late April (early April to early May in Eastern Christianity) to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, which Christians believe occurred after his death by crucifixion in AD 27-33 (see Good Friday). Easter can also refer to the season of the church year, lasting for fifty days, which follows this holiday and ends at Pentecost. Easter Day is also called the Sunday of the Resurrection or “Resurrection Day.” That is what I believe. A renewing age to all of you and a hope of respect and God in your hearts is what I pray. Happy Easter, Everyone!…


  • Downpours and Deserts




    Sometimes these words drip
    Like a leaky faucet of tears
    Or the dizzle of a rainy day
    Sometimes they are a raging waterfall
    Torent and wild
    Racing and eroding
    Engulfing like a flood
    Still others are a single drop
    On a peaceful pond
    Sending ripples into eternity
    But I hate it when they are a desert
    Dry, parched, wordless
    No water, no words
    Only dust
    and silence
    and an empty page.




    Too much happening. No inspiration to write. No time and conditions either. Who cares? Me, I guess. Though I’ll be back soon. I miss writing, reading about my Xanga peers and showing Brazil stuff.