October 24, 2002

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  Somewhere in my broken heart

  
  

  You made up your mind it was time it was over
  After we had come so far
  But I think there’s enough pieces of forgiveness
  Somewhere in my broken heart

  
  

  I would not have chosen the road you have taken
  It has left us miles apart
  But I think can still find the will to keep going
  Somewhere in my broken heart

  
  

  So fly, go ahead and fly
  Until you find out who you are
  I will keep my love unspoken
  Somewhere in my broken heart

  
  

  I hope that in time you will find
  what you long for
  Love that’s written in the stars
  And when you finally do I think you will see it’s
  Somewhere in my broken heart
  Oh, I will keep my love unspoken
  Somewhere in my broken heart
  I hope that in time you will find
  what you long for
  Love that’s written in the stars
  And when you finally do I think you will see it’s
  Somewhere in my broken,
  somewhere in my broken
  Somewhere in my broken heart.
  

  
  

  

  
  

  It’s amazing how much one can learn from the simple things. I went jogging again, in the dark, in the mist, in the wet mist. I thought my spring night walking was over, but in the middle of October ain’t half bad I tell you. Especially when I slowed down. It’s kind of freaky jogging in the middle of the night. In the summer I had mosquitos and insects chirping along with me, but tonight, I was alone. Alone in the big big world. It felt good. I thrive on a little desolation. I was searching for dark dark spots. There’s so much ambient light in cities and towns, how sad. I wanted to see the stars, without the blasted cars driving by me. So I went all the way up the hill, where no lights exist till the next street. The hill, how I missed the hill. So many memories, so many days, so many friendships, it’s sad that they all moved, but at least I get to keep my memories. Memories are always so beautiful. It didn’t rain as much when I got there, but the clouds were impatient and moved like a silly little child throwing a temper. I kept chasing this groups of stars, but the clouds were faster, and they devoured the holes with pride. But that’s when I turned around…
  

  
  

  IT WAS BEAUTIFUL
  
  

  SO SO BEAUTIFUL
  
  

  The stars, a whole groups of them, like a gap, a hole in the middle of the rain clouds. And they shone, and they shone to me, for me. I felt so small again, and everything was okay then. I wish I could write how beautiful they were. But I can’t. I wish I could paint it. But I can’t. I wish I could have videotaped it. But I can’t. And all of them would have been futile. You had to be there, it was that beautiful. You know what I did next? Being a fool that I am. I lied on the grass. The muddy, wet, cold grass, and I stared. And I stared till eternity drained and time escaped. Nothing in the world could compare to tonight.
  
  

  I would give everything to have that feeling every second of my life.
  
  

  And yet, I can’t even descibe the feeling. Not to paper, not to computer, and not even to anyone…

  
  

  

  • 9:14 am
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