February 3, 2003
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Sometimes I wish I had a pause button, so that I could just crawl into my fluffy bed and sleep for days. Of course I wouldn’t be avoiding anything because my dreams lately have all been infused with an air of nightmarish emotion. No horror or terror involved, just a gross accumulation of realized fears about my life and the people in it. I will not deny the fact that some of them are regretful. I try to live a life free from regret, so I guess they show through when my unconscious takes over. A lot of the dreams are just very sad, the kind where I nearly become a sedentary object, viewing people and actions as they occur around me while not being able to be a part of what occurs. In a way that is how I feel my real life has become. In the dreams it is like no one ever sees me and in the end I am left alone, staring at an empty scene. Even in a crowd of people, I am just a bystander. The pause button then, maybe is just the opposite of what I need. Perhaps instead of avoiding I need to act and confront, but I am just so tired of trying. For once I would like something to happen to me instead of me trying to make things happen.
If it is possible, I have entered a silent stage,
I am speechless,
a mutation of muteness has overcome me, and
I am left with a message that only time will tell.
Comments (9)
{{{Hugs}}}}… be patient…your time will come…
Maybe now is a time to listen to your inner self… when you’re ready that pause button will go and you will feel ready to go forward
Still the ultra- introspective Shy! “Everything comes to he who waits” or so someone once said……
Things may be happening anyway, even without your knowledge. No need to try so hard…do what comes naturally and everything will fall into place.
~Meta~
being shy isn’t so bad…I was a lot of my life.
shy , you are a teacher . You alredy make many things with that . This profession may make a life well filled . But i think you are waiting the true love . Search it . Perhaps change your way of life . Look at other horizons .
Love
Michel
Beautiful… and it is so very close to how I feel… take care
Poignant post… I sometimes have those feelings too. A pause button in real life would really be nice to have. It doesn’t mean you avoid to act, it just means you recollect and regain strength before you make a powerful move.
Like the Ocean one day is calm,one day is furious.
Sometimes feels like empty.
Ciao Shy,
Carlo