March 11, 2003
-
Greatest Fear
“What is your greatest fear?”
It’s a question that a lot of people ask, and a question that a lot of people answer without really thinking. I mean sure, people think about it for like a second but after that they just spout out what they think makes them the most afraid.
I asked myself this question like a week ago, and I spent the rest of the week going through the answers that popped into my head.
At first my answer was Bugs. Bugs scare the crap out of me, they make me freeze to the spot I’m standing in, and my mind run away screaming. Its quite entertaining to watch if you like someone making a complete fool of themselves. But as I was thinking about my fear of Bugs I realized that it doesn’t really define me. To me a fear, at least my greatest fear, defines who I am. That fear is a basis for the way I live my life. That fear is the thing I will continue to run away from for the rest of my life, no time will ever really heal that fear.
So thus, “Bugs” was booted out as my greatest fear.
Second, I decided on my fear of The Dark. Okay, I know I sound like I’m ten or something, but dangit I just don’t like the dark. I guess maybe its because I can’t see what’s going on in every corner of the room. Or maybe its because the monsters under my bed and the one hiding in my closet come out in the dark. Either way it’s a fear that has been with me for a long time, and will most likely be with me for the rest of my life. Then again, that’s not totally true. I mean when I get married, or actually get in a long term relationship, I won’t be sleeping alone anymore. And my theory here is that when I’m not sleeping alone, the monsters won’t be able to get me. (That probably goes a lot deeper than I want to take it).
And thus, “The Dark” was shoved back under the bed.
The thoughts of the dark led to thoughts of my fear of relationships. And I’ll be danged if that’s my greatest fear. That’s just silly. It doesn’t really effect my life, its not something I run away from. I think relationships are something that run away from me. And I’m so not getting into that.
Bye-Bye “Relationships”.
So after a bit of self investigation I finally found it. My greatest fear. And no its not fear itself.
My greatest fear is my own mortality. Strange, huh? My greatest fear isn’t dying, but dying without accomplishing something.
I realize that some day I will die, whether I want to or not. I’m mortal, it happens. But the thought of dying without accomplishing everything I want to, without making something of myself, without living life to the fullest, scares me. Its this fear that makes me strive to be the best. Its this fear that makes me a perfectionist. Its this fear that fuels many if not all of my writing and artistic endeavors. Its this fear that makes me strive to be remembered when I’m gone, to achieve a kind of immortality.
Now I invite you to find your greatest fear. Ask yourself what makes you who you are. Its quite an entertaining question if you really dig deep into it.
-And no fair using my greatest fear as yours, do let me know what you think… I´m curious….
Comments (11)
You know… I in a way agree with you… I do have some fears about dying without accomplishing what I want to… but then I do have this feeling somehow… that it ain’t going to happen this way… sometimes I do fear the unknown, but I guess everyone does…
Take care and enjoy yourself… thanks for a lovely blog
that was a great entry.. (and i like your background too) .. i think most people, when they reflect upon the inevitability of death, will be afraid of their mortality, of not accomplishing wht they want before they die.. the fear that defines me is my fear of failure… of trying 150% and still failing.. because that means i am simply not good enough.. and that would be a harsh truth to swallow.
i have som e thoughts on this, but i will save them for our private conversations.
bugs? hmmmm. after studing buddhism deeper i’vge lost all urges to kill bugs over the years.
even mosquitos
i fear waking up one day and being the only human alive on this earth…brrrrrr….
Your blog gets me thinking… what do I fear most? I need to put my head on the pillow and think hard and deep about that. Phobias I do have: fear of water and fear of height. I guess it’s fear of losing control over my body in the environment. Yet I don’t really fear so much losing control of my destiny. I have come to realize the more we try to control the more we lose it. Your fear is interesting… Have you ever read “Immortality” by Milan Kundera? It talks about the fear that you have.
i first think of commitment… but no, on second thought [and this took a long time to confirm]; c.l.o.w.n.s :(
As always Shy a deep entry . Who didn’ t fear of death ? but we have faith in God , fortunatly .
Thanks for your kind comment for my birthday . It’s a great compliment you have made to me . Thanks again .
Love
Michel
hmm…bugs?? here’s something that’ll help you get over that fear…(hands yesterday’s newspaper)…just roll it up nice and the next time you see a bug…just let the newspaper do the talking…(“hey bug…now i see ya…SPLAT…now i dont!”)…
aah…the fear of dying without accomplishing something…i guess you just got to have faith in yourself and believe that you’ll beat death to it…
And i really like that little cat running at the bottom…
Fear of dying alone. Not dying, because death itself doesnt bother me. It was dying alone or in pain. The alone part, I am thankful, will not be a problem, as for the painful part.. I guess I will see.
I am afriad of war. That scares me.
…having my greatest fears come to be, I fear little now, if anything.
MuSe
…think our memory lives on through people we touch versus accomplishment.