July 2, 2003

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  Death of a Lotus
  The first petal picked has little meaning to none. Though for some odd reason, you smirk watching the now lifeless color of red drop to the floor. Little is your thought, about what you have just done, letting life die by the pluck of your fingertips? Even though it was not in thought, not realized, not even put to be evil hearted. You have already done it.
  Yet again, you pull another petal from the lotus. That smirk of your fades a little, realizing just then. There you are upset with someone, something. Realizing that you have yet to fully find out what is upsetting you, making your smile turn to a frown.
  With the next one taken from the life filled stem, dropping it to the floor. This time your eyes follow it down, locking to the swishing petal as if it really nothing, but for one split moment its everything…
  All memories of your past flashing before your eyes. Good, bad, what ever they are.. You remember them once again. For whatever reason, you try your best to push them from your mind, let them fall to the ground like the petals you keep dropping from the rose. Not saying a word, not saying a thing, not saying a thought.
  Though it is you, that could imagine pain, hurt, warmth, all of it. It is you who has felt it, touched it, and craved it. But yet, you find yourself asking why? Why me? What did I do now? What can I do to fix it? What can I do to make it better? When the only answer is HONESTY… People hate being lied to.. People hate protection. But yet, no matter where you turn, someone is always doing it.
  When will I know if someone really cares, I mean honestly cares? When will I get to feel the first hand experience of love, life, touch, feelings, all of it? Or is it something that will always be a hopeless dream. A dream that I hope to one day never wake from.
  So now that you have made it to the final petal, you pause before plucking it off the stem, close your eyes, and take a deep breath in. Why? Because you have just been hit with a bad case of reality. One that everyone try hard to avoid. Hidden secrets, tales, adventures, loves, friendships. I have never wanted something more, then my breath at this moment. Even though, that wont fix what has been broken, it will fix my frame of thought at that point, that moment, the very second.
  Now that it has finally hit…. Where do you go from here?
  
  SADNESS
  
  Man could not live if he were entirely impervious to sadness. Many sorrows can be endured only by being embraced, and the pleasure taken in them naturally has a somewhat melancholy character. So, melancholy is morbid only when it occupies too much place in life; but it is equally morbid for it to be wholly excluded from life.
  
  The most melancholic day has come.
  The saddest of the year.
  Hear me, I am tired.
  My heart is sick and sad.
  From where the sun now stands,
  I will fight no more forever – I surrender.
  
  

  
  

  

  • 12:14 am
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