November 10, 2003
-
morning alarm radio sounds
somewhere between weather
and song requests
i hear zeppelin again
eyes closed in my head
dreams chase each other
fighting for last memories
in waking life
no return to the dreaming
not for now
sunshine creeping in the window
light scattered on the floor
sleepy feet shuffle across
Apostrophes
Maybe I’m only half here after all. The accumulation of exhaustion presses on my scalp, my neck, my throat, across the flat of my chest just below my clavicle. My ears ring with things I have not done, with words I did not know how else to carry into today. I have not slept in years, have been living lives that were never mine in moments that were never possible. This formula does not add up. In this state of confusion, of frustration, of never-enough-sleep, I discover that my strength reaches deeper than my perception, that there is always a little more, that I am exactly where I should be even if I don’t know where this road leads. And I think this could be what happiness feels like.
Should i go on a hiatus? Maybe…I have been forced to do so. Things have been changing fast and sometimes I wonder whether my life has become a Mexican soap opera. Or any soap opera actually. My room mate is getting married in 2 months. I was already getting used to the idea of being without her… she´s also taking the computer away…damn…
Ok, jokes apart, the situation now is pretty serious. Life for me next year will be quite different. I would be much more excited if I weren’t that concerned in making ends meet. Being independant is damn great, but I must say sometimes it is a pain in the neck, head and pocket. Well, guess all choices have a price… But the thing is, I´ll be living in a place I have not even chosen yet. A different neighborhood. It´s a bit far from downtown, but much closer to work, church and new friends. Also closer to the College i inted to end studies, great pubs and cafés, and….guess those are enough reasons for me to know there´s nothing to worry
. Also, the faith in my God and the lessons He has kindly taught me just make me understand how much human I have been.
I just lack inspiration these days. This, added to the lack of time has taken me away from my blog and my subscribers also. I may be closer to some of them in person now that I have decided to go to Vancouver in July next year. It is just about time i traveled abroad, i guess. It is about time things changed in my life. Just like it´s happening now. Just like that…
Comments (6)
I know the feeling of never getting enough sleep…
I love the poem! Waking up…
Arcthinkthingswillpickupeventually…
I have succeeded to download your page Shy . I think it was the background that blocked .
Your room mate leaves but the future for you will be shining like a dream . I wish .
Love
Michel
I always felt that anybody who expressed unreserved gladness or fear at change of that magnitude must be mad, stupid, or lying. it’s always a pleasure coming here and being taken on this mini-journey of your thought processes. i never cease to be impressed by your multi-facetedness. (mm..yes, us law students are great with words..esp with making new ones up…, aren’t we?
) i know that somebody with your ability to view things from so many angles than most, would also be able to handle things with so much more humour, wisdom, and emerge shining, as michel said. (not quite. i hope he forgives my paraphrasing!) thanks for your kind comments. i too hope to get a little ‘closer’ to my fave xangans during my break, too 
i hope that the changes, even though they are forced, will end up being good ones for you…..
I wonder if something is going around… that is how I have felt lately. I am liking this sort of break… it helps my mind clear up
I hope you find that too.
you are such a great writer! and thanks for your comment!